Wayne Rooney will be required to be part of the England World Cup Squad as part of his community service for his drink driving conviction.
Rooney has stated that he has really enjoyed his community service so far, as it has taken place in a garden centre; the authorities have therefore decided to send him off to Russia to suffer with the rest of the England team in 2018.
Rooney can expect no pay, harsh working conditions, little hope of success and constant humiliation and abuse.
“Wayne has been having a great time helping out in the garden centre,” explained England boss Gareth Southgate.
“He won’t have a good time in Russia with my squad.”
“It’s one thing to speculate on the growing patterns of daffodils with an elderly spinster, but wait until he has to explain missing a penalty against – and then losing to – Panama to some idiot from the Daily Mail.
“That’s proper community service.”
The Everton striker was upbeat about the news.
“At least I can pay off the police in Russia,” shrugged Rooney.