Former Labour leader Tony Blair and former Boomtown Rat Bob Geldolf have combined finances to purchase the Isle of Wight with the intention of declaring independence and joining the EU.
The price for the island lowered dramatically after Blair revealed that he had seen a dossier that stated the Isle of Wight was only 45 seconds from London and had been in talks with North Korea about storing weapons of mass destruction.
Blair and Geldolf took the opportunity to buy.
Ironically, The Isle of Wight voted comprehensively in favour of Brexit, but Blair and Geldolf have plans to relocate/deport any Brexit supporters to Great Yarmouth, where over 70% voted to leave the EU.
To replace the Brexit voters, Blair and Geldolf have invited a number of high-profile celebrities, scientists, politicians and plumbers to come and join them in their new independent nation.
Among those expecting to make the trip across the English channel are Sir Stephen Hawking, Paloma Faith, Lord Alan Sugar and Nick Clegg.
“It’s like a modern day Noah’s Ark,” explained Blair.
“Britain is lost with Brexit, and I as Noah am the only hope for redemption.”
Bob Geldolf is reportedly planning a music festival to raise money for their endeavor and is working with Bob Dylan to assemble an array of stars from across the globe.
Nigel Farage, however is not willing to let this pro-Europe plot go unchallenged and has commissioned a boat to invade the island, manned by his trusted lieutenants Jacob Rees-Mogg and Sir Ian Botham.
However, their navigational skills do not match their ambitions and they are currently moored off-shore of Corfu in the Mediterranean.