As a further protective measure for US schools, Donald Trump has announced that all teachers must now drive to work in tanks.
Teachers – who Trump is already intending to arm with guns to prevent gun deaths – will drive the armoured fighting vehicles into the school parking lot as a show of force against any potential threatening individuals, as well as students who are considering taking a sick day or not doing their homework.
“I am determined to stamp out violence in schools and the only way to do that is with a huge show of force,” explained Trump.
“Not only will tanks manned by teachers armed with semi-automatic weapons create a safe and peaceful environment, but it will also ensure that if violence breaks out on the school cross country physical education lessons, teachers will be suitably equipped with mechanical weapons capable of handling the treacherous terrain.”
Trump has also sent a message to his military commanders in Syria and Afghanistan requesting attack drones that he wants placed in every school in the US.
“Just send over any that you’re not using at the moment.”