Overwhelming favourites for Mooks of the Month are the Australian Cricket Team.
During the third Test match against South Africa, vice-captain David Warner instructed junior teammate Cameron Bancroft to alter the condition of the cricket ball using sandpaper.
Captain Steve Smith knew they were up to something but did nothing to stop it.
“It was all a big mistake,” said Smith.
“We didn’t realise that the Test match was being televised.”
“I’d mentioned on Facebook that I was going to use some sandpaper on the ball,” said Bancroft, “but I didn’t think that I would be filmed doing it.”
“We deeply regret being found out,” said Warner, whose PR company recently changed his nickname from ‘The Bull’ to ‘The Reverend’.
Steve Smith said that Cameron Bancroft had been a “poor choice” by the leadership group – an Australian euphemism for David Warner.
“To be honest, Cameron is a beer short of a six-pack,” said Smith.
“He wouldn’t have been my choice.
“The TV cameras showed him ball tampering on the field of play but it wasn’t the cricket ball, if you know what I mean.”
Former Australian captain Steve Waugh is “deeply troubled“by the incident.
“When I was captain, I was so concerned about the spirit of cricket that I only concentrated on the mental deterioration of the opposition players,” said Waugh.
Greg Chappell and his brother Trevor both confirmed that nothing like this would have happened in their day.
“We may have been underarm but we would not have been underhand,” said Greg.