Jacob Rees-Mogg has been courting our coveted Mook Of The Month award for quite a while and his recent shenanigans have just about cinched it.

Although the Conservative politician openly abhors the idea of the Nanny State, he somewhat ironically took his nanny with him when he stood in the Labour stronghold of Central Fife at the 1997 general election.

However, he categorically denies that they went canvassing in one of the family’s classic Bentleys.

“Of course my nanny came with me, she is an integral part of the family,” explained Rees-Mogg.

“But we didn’t take the Bentley. Nanny said that would be unsuitable and she was absolutely right. We took mummy’s Mercedes instead.”

The MP for North East Somerset also revealed that his nanny and maid once took turns to stand behind him shielding his neck from the sun with a book at the exclusive Glyndebourne music festival.

“I’m afraid I don’t remember what the book was but I do know that both the maid and Nanny are paid above the minimum wage.”

Mook News - Jacob Rees-Mogg

Jacob Rees-Mogg confirming that his leadership manifesto will be in Latin. What a dick.

Rees-Mogg is a hard Brexit man and has stated that Arlene Foster, the leader of the DUP, is the “new heroine of Brexit”.

“Arlene thinks there should be no differentiation in laws and regulations to accommodate the EU border with Ireland. This is admirable,” said Rees-Mogg.

“She is determined, as a point of principle, that Northern Ireland has the same laws as the rest of the UK. Of course, this principle doesn’t apply to abortion and gay marriage.”

“The rest of the UK has chosen a path of sin and depravity which I will not allow Northern Ireland to follow,” said Mrs Foster.

Rees-Mogg, whose only responsibility is to be eccentric and draw attention to himself, wants the Government to get out of the EU as soon as possible.

“The UK economy would enjoy a post-Brexit financial dividend of £135bn in the first five years after its departure from the EU,” Rees-Mogg confidently predicted.

“I know this is true because when I say my prayers at night, God told me it would happen.”

The last politician with a direct line to God was Tony Blair, who received the go-ahead for the invasion of Iraq in 2003 by the Big Guy Upstairs.

The Mogg recently met up with Steve Bannon, his new best friend.

Bannon is a man considered to be too right-wing to remain in the Donald Trump administration; as Aesop said, “A man is known by the company he keeps.” ‘Nuff said.

Rees-Mogg showed he is a man of the people by changing the last four digits of his phone number to 1649, the year King Charles I was executed, to make it easier for him to remember.

For all of these reasons, and so many more too numerous to mention, Jacob Rees-Mogg is our January Mook of the Month.

 

Who’s going to be the winner of February’s Mook Of The Month award? Once you’ve spotted your target, let us know on FacebookTwitter or fill in the submission form to the right of this post.

Happy mook-spotting!

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