What a month at the White House! Anthony “The Mooch” Scaramucci lasted about as long on Donald Trump’s esteemed team as a babysitter that’s caught stealing, making the potty-mouthed poser fully deserving of our Mook Of The Month award.
So, why is The Mooch such a mook? Where to start with this guy…
After graduating from Harvard Law school (alarm bells), Scaramucci joined Goldman Sachs until he felt ready to launch his own bloodsucking avarice-fest of a company, Oscar Capital Management, and then another one with the investment firm SkyBridge Capital.
In 2008, the committed Republican served as a fundraiser for Barack Obama seemingly only so he could meet the President to ask him if he could refrain from hurting the downtrodden city traders’ feelings and stop “whacking Wall Street like a piñata”.
In 2015, The Mooch did a little whacking of his own by appearing on FOX News and calling Donald Trump a “hack politician” whose rhetoric is “anti-American and very, very divisive.”
A couple of short years later and Scaramucci and Donald seemed to have patched things up as the two business moguls decided to work together with Trump appointing Scaramucci as White House Communications Director.
To announce this, Scarmucci tweeted, “Full transparency: I’m deleting my old tweets. Past views evolved & shouldn’t be a distraction. I serve @POTUS agenda and that’s all that matters.”
Now, you can’t get a lot more transparent than complete deletion of your past opinions, but unfortunately this Damascene conversion wasn’t quite enough to get The Mooch to see eye to eye with the rest of the White House team.
Anyone who puts the thought of Steve Bannon and autofellatio into the public consciousness deserves (probably a lot more of a punishment than) Mook Of The Month, but that’s what Scaramucci did when he told a New York Times interviewer, “I’m not Steve Bannon. I’m not trying to suck my own cock.”
No, no, The Mooch was happier putting other appendages in his mouth, mainly his foot when he called White House Chief of Staff Reince Preibus, “A fucking paranoid schizophrenic, a paranoiac.”
But this was OK, because according to Scaramucci, he and Reince are, “A little bit like brothers; we rough each other up once in a while, which is totally normal for brothers.”
The fraternal jostling led to Preibus being fired a few hours later (bantz!) and replaced by John Kelly…who was also clearly in on the brotherly roughhousing routine as his first act was to suggest that the President fire Scaramucci. Which Trump presumably did with a big smile on his face, considering his “A great day at the White House!” tweet as The Mooch was packing up his desk.
Hard-nosed tough guy Anthony Scaramucci lasted just 10 days in an organisation that makes the Mafia look like the Boy Scouts. For that reason, and so many others, The Mooch is our Mook Of The Month!
Now get out there and spot some mooks!