Theresa May has warned Tory MPs not to question her Brexit proposals or they’ll run the risk of execution.

“I could have them beheaded,” said the Prime Minister.

“I do have the power, as some of Henry VIII’s laws have never been repealed.

“I’m not saying I would. I’m just saying I could.”

“If the Tory rebels question our judgement then they must be socialists,” reasoned David Davis.

“And if they are socialists then they must be Jeremy Corbyn supporters, therefore they deserve everything they get.”

Liam Fox, the International Trade Secretary, has volunteered to carry out the beheadings if required.

“The party whips can soften the rebels up and I will deliver the coup de grace.”