Nigel Farage has expressed delight at officially entering the single market after his wife revealed that they have been “living separate lives for years”.

The former UKIP leader announced that his self-proclaimed “Nigexit” was all about “taking back control” and that his life would be much more prosperous without any ties to Kirsten Farage.

“She fritters away £350 a week on coffee dates with her friends. I’ll be putting that saving straight into my health insurance.

“Look, as much as I love her, she’s just too bureaucratic. I’d head off on a lads fishing trip and she’d insist that I could only catch one fish!

“And the lunchbox that she’d pack for me contained the straightest bananas you’ve ever seen. Ludicrous.”

Although the couple attended marriage counseling, the discussion would quickly break down into what Farage described as his wife, “remoaning on and on and on.”


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