Donald Trump has spent the entire festive period being haunted by ghosts who have showed him his past, present and future.
The supernatural activity began for the US President on Christmas Eve, with a horrible ghostly vision of his former employee Michael Flynn, weighed down by heavy chains, money boxes and pictures of Vladimir Putin.
Flynn warned Trump that he would be visited by three ghosts throughout Christmas night and that if he did not listen to them then he would suffer a similar fate to the unfortunate former National Security Adviser.
Dismissing Flynn as fake news, Trump shrugged it off and prepared for bed.
But he was soon abruptly awoken by a ghostly Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Trump believed that the Terminator star had finally shown up to apologise for ruining The Apprentice, but in fact he was there to whisk him through his past to show him his dodgy financial dealings and sleazy advances on married women.
However, Trump seemed to be invigorated by the trip and returned soundly to sleep.
But his rest was short-lived, as the ghost of Richard Nixon was soon groaning at the bottom of his Egyptian bedding.
“You must stop this, Donald – these dealings with Russia, your hateful condemnation of those who do not share your views and simply making stuff up about massacres at Bowling Green,” wailed the ghost of Nixon.
“And failing that, do not let any British guy interview you on live television.”
But Trump just reassured Nixon that if any more accusations arose, he would simply sack somebody like Steve Bannon.
Kim Jong-un was the final spectre to appear to Trump as he showed him his future of a nuclear wasteland and apocalypse.
Finally, the President saw the error of his ways.
“I’ve seen my future now and I have to say it’s clear to me what I must do,” explained an enlightened Trump.
“I need to blow that short fat guy up before he does the same to me. I’ve been far too forgiving so far!”