David Davis left the opening Brexit negotiations in Brussels after less than an hour, explaining that “there wasn’t really much to discuss”.

“We ran out of things to talk about fairly soon and so we chatted about the weather,” said the politician in charge of Britain’s exit from the EU.

“I asked Michael Barnier if he knew what the Test score was but he didn’t seem to be very interested in cricket.

“He had a pile of papers in front of him but I had forgotten my notes so we couldn’t really talk about any details.”

Dominic Cummings has branded the Brexit Secretary “as thick as mince, lazy as a toad and vain as Narcissus”.

“But I fully support him and still think he is the best man to lead the Brexit negotiations,” enthused the former head of the Vote Leave campaign.