With England’s World Cup exit, thoughts have turned to securing safe passage for the heroic England football team from Russia.

Theresa May has hired CIA agent Carrie Mathison to lead a team that will extract the squad from Moscow.

Mathison is seen as the perfect choice for the job, as she has previously successfully extracted a Russian agent from Moscow with minimal fatalities.

“I have every faith in Carrie,” said May.

“She will get the job done and she won’t let me down like David and Boris.”

Mathison was tight-lipped about the plan to get the England boys out of Russia, but was seen with a gun tattoo on her leg whilst sporting a Harry Kane wig.

“Our cousins over the pond have no need to worry,” reassured Mathison, speaking in a ‘Jordan Pickford Geordie/Mackem’ accent.

“They are coming home.”

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