The embattled political consulting firm Cambridge Analytica has announced that it has agreed a merger deal with supermarket juggernaut Asda.

A spokesperson for the controversial company, which was recently implicated in an unprecedented data mining breach, issued a brief statement today.

“We’re in a spot of bother, there’s no denying that,” said the spokesperson.

“So aligning ourselves with a wholesome brand such as Asda makes a lot of sense for us.

“We’ve seen what it’s likely to do for Sainsbury’s; the projections are really strong.

“I think we’ve realised that life is too short to spend it riling up gun-toting racists for no good reason. We think counting watermelons will be a welcome change of pace and that’s exactly what we intend to focus on moving forward at Asdalytica.”

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