In a meeting with EU chiefs this week, Boris Johnson has called for a “nuanced” approach to Britain’s managed exit from the European Union.

In a rousing speech to a delegation of foreign ministers, Johnson invoked the ‘Brunch Principle’, calling for it to be applied as a template for the complex negotiations.

“If we can find a place for brunch in this world, and by jove we have, then we can find a way for Britain to remain in the single market but to do away with the free movement of people to our great Isles.”

A hushed delegation listened on as Johnson expanded this theme.

“You see, brunch is a versatile beast; it falls between the traditional, tired old customs of breakfast and lunch. Often preceded by a game of tennis, usually accompanied by the Daily Telegraph and always followed by a snifter of Bloody Mary!”

Asked for his reaction outside, a Belgian diplomat replied, “I’m not really sure what happened. I left when he started Morris dancing.”