The Australian public have reacted with shock at news that the England cricket team go into bars and drink beer after matches.
“We can’t believe that England cricketers go drinking when they should be relaxing in their hotel watching TV or getting an early night,” said Queenslander Jason Williams.
England wicketkeeper Jonny Bairstow says that his alleged headbutt on Australia opener Cameron Bancroft has been “completely blown out of proportion”.
“If I’d have properly headbutted him, he wouldn’t have got up and he wouldn’t be playing cricket for weeks,” explained Bairstow.
The incident, which took place on a night out in Perth in October, came to light during Australia’s 10-wicket win in the first Test at Brisbane.
“Actually, he batted really well in the Test match,” said Bairstow.
“Maybe I should have headbutted him.”
Australian vice-captain David Warner was interviewed on his way to church on Sunday.
“I was appalled to hear that the England players went drinking and got involved in a fight,” said Warner, revealing the thoughts that had occurred to him during his 5 a.m. meditation session.
“You’d never get Aussie cricketers doing that.”