Everyone knows that Donald Trump dances to the beat of his own drum, but did you know that he actually has a drummer boy enlisted in his secret service detail?

We uncovered this snippet of info and a lot more when we found this leaked list of outrageous demands that Trump has placed upon his secret service agents.

Mook News - Golden Toilet

1. A 24k gold toilet must be installed in all bathrooms that Trump frequents, including Air Force One and Camp David.


Mook News - big hand

2. Trump has insisted that his call sign be “big hand”.


Mook News - Marco Rubio

3. At any given point Trump can initiate a game of Marco Polo with his agents, simply by shouting “Rubio!”


Mook News - drummer boy

4. That drummer boy.


Mook News - Superman

5. All agents must wear Superman logo T-shirts underneath their suits, with the ‘S’ changed to a ‘T’.


Mook News - Handwritten

6. Any request for time off must be in a handwritten letter and go directly to his son, Bannon Trump.


Mook News - bullets

7. Bonuses will work on an incentive-based scheme of who shields Trump from the most bullets throughout the year.


There we are, folks – that’s the President you elected. What a kook!