In a response to declining viewing figures and criticism of the show’s brutal violence, the producers of The Walking Dead have confirmed that there will be no more character deaths for the remainder of the current season.
Many fans felt that Glenn Rhee having his head bashed to a pulp by a female baseball bat called Lucille took things too far, particularly after a fair proportion of the previous season had been based around pretending he was dead and then revealing he wasn’t.
Showrunner Scott M. Gimple has reportedly ordered extensive reshoots with the planned deaths of Sasha, Enid, Richard and 18 redshirt Alexandrian residents to be cut.
The show will instead focus on the various communities negotiating trade deals, controlling immigration and building various costly walls, the bills of which they will attempt to send to one other.
“I can’t wait to be relentlessly positive about the new no-death policy on Talking Dead,” gushed presenter Chris Hardwick.
“This show just keeps getting better and better!”
“I’ve been forced in to this change because of fan pressure, but I really don’t see what all the fuss is about,” reasoned Gimple.
“Sure, we show kids being eaten alive, people being decapitated, shot through the eye and having their intestines forcibly removed.
“But do we ever drop the F-bomb? No we do not. Imagine if a child walked in during an episode and Daryl was swearing. That could really mess a kid up.”