MOOK NEWS

The US Congress has ruled that anyone who does not like Ellen DeGeneres is committing a hate crime and will be duly punished.

The popular TV host recently visited the White House to receive her Presidential Medal Of Freedom, cementing Congress’s decision that speaking ill of her must be outlawed.

A spokesperson for the Senate stated, “Who doesn’t love Ellen? I’ll tell you who. Sexists and homophobes. And racists. Probably. We will not stand for bigotry in this great country.”

Robert Clarke is currently serving a two-year sentence in Leavenworth Federal Penitentiary, Kansas after he tweeted that DeGeneres was “a bit overrated” and he “always preferred Jimmy Fallon”.

Talking from a prison payphone, Clarke wept, “It’s clear to me now that my views were downright prejudiced and a direct result of my white male privilege. I just hope that the guards don’t find out what I really think of Rosie O’Donnell.”

Congress has also introduced a bill stating that despising Lena Dunham will be classed as a misdemeanour.

 

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