In a rare interview, the ghost of Romeo Montague confirmed that his double teen suicide would never have happened if he could have made use of WhatsApp.
“I mean, it was just really unlucky,” reflected Romeo. “I thought Juliet was dead, when really she just appeared dead, so I did what I thought was the right thing at the time, and took an overdose. Next thing I know, Juliet wakes up and thinks that I’m dead, although to be fair she was right at this point, can’t take it and stabs herself.
“All because the stupid 16th century messenger system failed!” moaned the deceased star-crossed lover.
“If we had WhatsApp, Juliet could have just dropped me a message saying ‘Hey Romeo, just so you know I’m going to fake my own death. Lol! Then you can pick me up and we can be together 4 ever! xxxx”
“To be honest though I’m not sure if it was a good plan in the first place. I think you always have to be wary about taking drugs from friars.
“The more I think about it though, a lot of my issues could have been avoided by using social networking services. I mean, I was outside that balcony for bloody ages. If I could have just sent Juliet a photo of me on Instagram, she would have come out a lot sooner.
“And I’m pretty sure @moodymercutio and @gangstatybalt would have been able to settle their differences with some aggressive tweets, rather than with physical violence.
“But maybe we were just doomed from the start.”