God has announced that everyone on earth should party like it’s turn of the millennium, as He has no idea what’s going to happen next year.
Secure in the knowledge that he has Prince, David Bowie and an array of other talented musicians playing in heaven tonight, God has turned his attention to mortal celebrations.
“Look, I really can’t guarantee what’s going to happen in 2017,” admitted The Almighty One.
“What with Trump and Russia stockpiling nuclear weapons, the Brexit thing, not to mention Brangelina splitting up, it could all go horribly wrong.
“So you should all get really drunk and/or dance like fools this evening,” said He.
“Happy New Year!”