After centuries of living in relative harmony with the West, gluten has fled to Syria and joined ISIS.
This is in reaction to the rise in public denouncement of gluten, with many people being particularly vocal about their newfound intolerance.
Despite the West’s long and peaceful relationship with gluten, it has been argued that anti-gluten sentiments are becoming more and more systemic within our culture.
“I can’t even go into a restaurant or a supermarket without seeing dishes that are clearly marked a no-go zone for me,” said gluten.
Since arriving in Aleppo, gluten has revealed mixed feelings on its decision to leave the West.
“It’s not exactly what was promised on the website. There are a lot more bombs and a fairly instructive interpretation of how gluten should conduct itself.
“But at least there aren’t any Whole Foods branches spreading bigoted hate on every street corner.”