Theresa May is set to lift the 1% public sector pay cap when she announced that she had discovered a Magic Money Tree at the bottom of the garden at No.10.
“It turns out that it was there all the time,” said the Prime Minister.
“Philip and I were doing some weeding at the weekend and we saw it in the corner of the garden.
“We got that nice Alan Titchmarsh to come round and have a look at it. He confirmed it was a Magic Money Tree and that it had been there since at least 2010.
“I really should apologise to that nurse who I told there wasn’t any such thing as a Magic Money Tree. We could have been harvesting its fruit for years.”
Nurses and teachers were said to be “overjoyed” when they were told that they might be receiving a 2% pay rise sometime in 2019.
“I can’t wait to get the money,” said Sally Ferguson, a nurse from Rotherham.
“I don’t know what I’ll spend it on first.”