MOOK NEWS

Transport for London has announced that the tube tunnels of the London Underground will be widened in order to cope with the country’s worsening obesity epidemic.

A TFL spokesperson stated that a major overhaul of the system is required.

“These tunnels were built with the Victorian commuter’s waistband in mind and they are just no longer fit for purpose.”

TFL are clear that the problem is such that immediate action is required.

“We simply cannot afford blockages. We’ve already had a few near misses. Only last week, a rotund gentlemen bunged up the jubilee line just outside Swiss Cottage.

“By icing his hips and using large quantities of butter we managed to work him loose, but it really snarled up the system for a very long time.”

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