After observing over 50,000 children of the ages two to eight, a new study from the University of Michigan has determined that most kids prefer smartphones to their parents’ love.

“A parent’s love barely registered on the scale of importance for these children,” said Sandy Lockheart, lead researcher of the study and Associate Professor of Sociology.

“First on the list was watching the show Peppa Pig, followed by YouTube videos of people unboxing dinosaurs. A parent’s love was 154th.”

The results came as little surprise to the researchers; however, most shocking was what featured on the list before the eternal love given by their mother and father.

Things like shoelaces, boogers, sneezing, and even broccoli was listed by the test subjects often 30+ places above parents’ love.

“We factored in that part of the low score could possibly be attributed to these young children not properly being able to emotionally understand the complexity of love, so we tested 20,000 children aged eight to 18 and our results were nearly identical,” explained Lockheart.

“For this test group, parents’ love ranked 143th, right below swallowing a cotton ball, that weird itch you get from using the wrong deodorant and sitting next to a person on an airplane eating a meatball sub.”

While the test results are not fully conclusive, Lockheart believes there is enough data to hypothesize that, “Kids these days just don’t give two shits about their parents.”

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