MOOK NEWS

Warner Bros. has purchased the film rights to The Shawshank Redemption and have commissioned Zack Snyder to reboot the classic prison drama with a cast comprised entirely of canines, it has been announced.

It’s about time this cult classic got a makeover,” said a Warner Bros spokesman. “People love Shawshank and people love dogs. Combine the two and what you’ll get is magic.

Andy Dufresne will be renamed Andy Dogfresne and will be played by a Golden Retriever. Morgan Freeman will be replaced by an aged Sheepdog in the much loved role of Red.

The remake will mostly stay faithful to the original, but, in addition to the cast change, will have one or two key amendments.

We’ve replaced the rape scene with a gang of prison dogs sniffing Andy’s arse,” admitted Snyder. “We think we’ll still get across the sense of violation and helplessness, whilst making sure that the film stays within the PG-13 range, so we can hit our target demographic.

Not everybody is delighted about the project, however. Long-term Shawshank fan Randall Sproles was outraged.

I’m outraged!” exclaimed Sproles. “I don’t want no bitches playing my favorite characters. I would welcome a remake if we had, say, Channing Tatum as Andy and maybe that black guy from the Batman films playing Red. He’d be good.

But this is going to be terrible. I’m definitely not going to see it more than twice and I’ll be sure to unleash hell on the YouTube comments section on the day that the trailer is released.

 

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