Intimate details of Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin’s late-night walkie-talkie discussions in the lead up to the 2016 US election have been leaked.
The President of the Russian Federation and the now-President elect would stay up late wearing pyjamas and discuss world domination whilst scoffing treats sneaked from the fridge.
Putin’s initial plan to launch a submarine that would carry a tin can on a string across the Atlantic to Trump Tower was upgraded by the purchase of two Motorola TLKR T40 Two-Way Radios.
Putin would suggest how Russia could help Trump smear Hillary Clinton’s campaign and both men would giggle at the lewd descriptions of centerfold models in the magazines that they each keep under their mattresses.
Just before turning on their walkie-talkies, both world leaders would hang a cardboard sign on their office doors saying ‘No Girls Allowed’. This was later amended to also exclude ‘Muslims’, ‘Mexicans’ and ‘Gays’.