After his latest improbable Super Bowl win, New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady has confirmed that he is indeed a dark angel sent to signal the end of times.
“After causing the Falcons to go into complete meltdown mode with my evil mind powers, I knew the jig was up,” joked Brady at a recent press conference.
“I mean come on, did you watch the second half?”
Many of Brady’s teammates had speculated for some time.
“Looking like a Ken doll that’s still in the box is one thing. But then when you add in the fact that he’s a Hall of Fame quarterback, married to a supermodel, plus he’s always happy, and he’s won that many Super Bowls, you start to think that yeah, he’s probably the devil,” said Patriots wide receiver Julian Edleman.
Patriots coach Bill Belichick added, “Uh huh, I knew he was the devil from day one. That’s why I drafted him.”
As for the rest of the NFL and the world, Brady issued a stern warning.
“The end time is near. Bow to me now or be consumed by the hellfire of damnation.”