Nigel Farage has demanded that Geoffrey Boycott be knighted for services to cricket.
“Many of us call him Sir Geoffrey already,” said the ex-UKIP leader, “so it’s about time it was made official.
“He was blocked from a knighthood by some jobsworth numpty in Whitehall, all because of his conviction for beating a former girlfriend when on holiday in the south of France.
“He didn’t do it, so why should the rubbish French justice system based on Napoleonic law stop us knighting our greatest ever cricketer?
“This is why we have to leave the EU.”
Theresa May concurred with Farage.
“It can’t be right that Geoffrey Boycott isn’t a knight,” said the Prime Minister.
“After the silencing of Big Ben, I think the country needs cheering up and what better way that knighting my favourite cricketer?”
“I’ve had a load of business cards and headed writing paper at home with ‘Sir Geoffrey Boycott’ already on them for years, ” said the 76-year-old ex-English cricketer.
“It would be a shame if they went to waste.”