Theresa May has been vying for the title of Mook Of The Month for quite some time now, and, after her tireless work over the last few weeks, the Prime Minister has finally earned her crown.
After consistently saying that she, “Will not call a snap election, I’ve been very clear about that,” May called a snap election. Clearly, the lady’s for turning.
It is believed that May decided to call a general election when she realised her opponents were going to be an old comedy double act called Abbott and Costello.
May’s strategy was clear from the beginning. The Conservative Party has been so successful in running the country for the last seven years that they wouldn’t mention what they had achieved, as it would be unfair to the opposition parties.
Instead, she would simply say, “The country needs strong and stable leadership,” in answer to whatever question she was asked and that would be sufficient enough to get her elected.
Tory MPs were delighted.
“’Mummy’ has given us what we wanted,” said one; “’Mother Theresa’ is wonderful,” enthused another.
The Conservative Party love a nickname for their leader.
It used to be ‘Submarine May’ because she always disappeared whenever there was a problem. The Prime Minister lived up to this nickname on a recent visit to Cornwall, during which journalists were not allowed to film her visiting a factory and could ask only two questions but not film her answer them.
The nickname that May really craves is ‘Attila the Hen’, which was given to her political idol Margaret Thatcher. She made a bid for this when she was asked, “Are you prepared to authorise a nuclear strike that could kill hundreds of thousands of men, women and children?”
Her response was immediate and enthusiastic.
“Yes! Of course!”
‘I would start a nuclear war and Jeremy Corbyn wouldn’t. Vote for me!’ is believed to be at the top of the Tory manifesto that is soon to be published.
Congratulations, Theresa – you’ve finally achieved full mookness and we crown you this month’s Ultimate Mook!
Now get out there and spot some mooks!