Barack Obama has admitted that he has always been a Muslim and that he successfully hid this fact during his two terms as President.
Now that he has vacated the White House, Obama felt it appropriate to return to his faith in a public capacity.
“I’m off to the mosque for some long overdue praying. Allah knows we’re going to need it.”
When his religion affected his policy-making during his Presidency, Obama was refreshingly candid.
“I did what I could to stall the registry while I was in office but now I’m out, it’s every Muslim for himself.
“I also had to bomb the shit out of Syria to cover my tracks.”
Obama maintains that Islam is far from the worst religion that a President can follow.
“You thought that was bad? I heard that Trump’s a fucking Scientologist.”