The Football Association have announced their first choice to fill the cursed England Manager role as Gotham City vigilante, Batman.
“Batman doesn’t quite have the football background or the coaching qualifications we were looking for,” admitted a spokesman for the FA, “and he’s going to need to stop calling it soccer, but we definitely think that he is the right man for the job.”
While they would not comment on the Sam Allardyce situation, the fact that Batman is generally regarded as incorruptible is thought to have been a strong factor in the FA’s decision to offer him a lucrative 7-year deal.
CEO Martin Glenn preferred to focus on what he could bring to the team, “Batman is the world’s greatest detective and we have no doubt that he will be able to translate that into a game plan to break down Lithuania.
“The Dark Knight is used to facing off against and beating some of the world’s most fearsome adversaries,” reflected Glenn. “Whether we are playing Spain, Brazil, Wales or The Joker, we know that Batman is going to bring his A-game and not flinch in high pressure situations.
“Even if results don’t go as planned for the first few games, his ability to escape from press conferences unnoticed will be invaluable.”
There can be no doubt that Batman is an intriguing choice as England manager, yet given how easily he has dealt with Mr Freeze over the years, it seems unlikely that England would face another humiliating exit at the hands of Iceland.
It is likely that Batman would want to bring in his own staff, with Robin heavily tipped for the Assistant Manager’s role and Harvey Dent the favorite to take over the U21 team.
The Caped Crusader could not be reached for comment, but his Personal Assistant croaked over the phone, “Batman’s the manager that England needs, but not the one it deserves right now.”