Dr Strangelove, the Prime Minister’s special advisor on nuclear weapons, has told her there’s nothing to worry about with the latest Trident incident.

“Most of the missiles work perfectly OK,” said Strangelove, “and if one does happen to go in the wrong direction, there’s a more or less foolproof system to recall it.

“The submarine captain just puts Peace On Earth into the computer and everything should be fine.

“Even if that doesn’t work and the weapon lands where it shouldn’t then the damage that one missile could do is minimal. 10 million dead, tops.”

Boris Johnson has voiced concerns about retaliation if the bomb lands in Russia and has volunteered to join a group of 500 people who will escape to deep mineshafts until the radiation has subsided.

The Foreign Secretary suggested a 10:1 female-to-male ratio for the breeding program that will be required in order to repopulate the Earth.

 

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