The Metropolitan Police Service have issued a public warning regarding the brutal gang wars breaking out across the country between Domino’s and Deliveroo drivers.
The blue of Domino’s and the green of Deliveroo have fast become symbols for unrelenting violence, with the streets stained with blood, guts and Texas BBQ sauce after the rival delivery drivers’ infamous showdowns.
Police have finally admitted there is little they can do to halt the delivery massacres and spokesmen from both the Triads and Mafia have condemned the gang war as “meaningless” and “without honour”.
Met police commissioner Cressida Dick offers simple advice for anyone unfortunate enough to get caught up in a fracas.
“We advise citizens to run, hide or pray if they encounter any food-related gang conflict,” stated Dick.
Despite the horror, Sky have commissioned a television exposé with a familiar face risking all in providing commentary and analysis.
“Many feel the fact that Domino’s delivery thugs are usually equipped with cars give them the advantage, but sometimes the sheer number of Deliveroo skull-riders can be overwhelming,” explained gang expert Ross Kemp.
“Shootings and stabbings have become common place, but when they break out into musical theatre things get really tasty.”