With Ben Stokes still suspended from the England cricket team after his brawl outside a Bristol nightclub, England have called on Conor McGregor to replace him on the Ashes Squad.
McGregor is Irish but owns an English dog and once went on a stag do to Newcastle, so qualifies as English.
England wanted a like-for-like replacement for Stokes and reportedly considered Ian Botham but were concerned how Botham might react to the Australian wildlife.
“We wanted someone like Ben, who is comfortable batting, bowling and bare-knuckle fighting,” explained Director of Cricket Andrew Strauss, “and we know that Conor can turn his hand or glove to anything.
“Plus, if Conor doesn’t work out, we have Joey Barton, Rio Ferdinand and O.J Simpson on standby.”