Chelsea Clinton has announced a bid to follow in her parents’ footsteps and run for President in the 2020 US election.
The daughter of former President Bill and Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton states that her background makes her the ideal candidate for office.
“Working at the Clinton Foundation has provided me with a wealth of experience, mainly via experiencing a lot of wealth.”
Discussing the financial logistics of how to launch her campaign, Chelsea claimed, “Funding is not going to be a problem. Look at how I handled my wedding. Did anyone go hungry?”
When questioned on the problems that blighted her parents’ respective careers in the White House, Chelsea is confident that she can learn from their mistakes.
“I’ll become the President that Mom could have been and that Dad never was.”
Explaining her current daily routine, Chelsea continued, “My husband Marc personally locks my chastity belt up every morning, so no matter how spunky an intern is, the best I can manage is an enthusiastic grope. And as for emails? Pah, it’s a non-issue. I write everything to do with my personal life on my left hand and everything to do with work on my right hand. And once a month I wash them both, thoroughly. Very thoroughly.”