Donald Trump has decided to assemble a task force of some of the most dangerous people on the planet, in order to carry out high-risk covert missions for the US.
With the world in conflict and conventional methods not always working, the President-elect searched Google for the ‘most ethically void persons in US’ and started forming a plan.
Offered time off their prison sentences and/or corporate tax exemptions, the Squad will use their unique skills and lack of moral fiber to carry out operations across the world.
Rumor has it that Manson, Simpson and Shkreli will be joined by A-Rod and Lance Armstrong for their first mission, which is to ensure that drugs are available and affordable for people with serious diseases, while keeping them out of the hands of ambitious sportsmen.
The CIA were reportedly against the idea, with director John O. Brennan describing the team as “the worst heroes ever”, until he heard that the Suicide Squad was to be led by Will Smith.
“Will isn’t exactly a ‘bad’ guy,” conceded Trump, “but we felt that the squad needed a bit of likability and charisma.
O.J. can’t do it all by himself.”